Weird Penis Tricks: World Records, Party Feats & More

Over the millennia, mankind has put together an excellent list of achievements: from agriculture to civilization, from the automobile to modern medicine, to rapid social and technological progress, the human race can call itself a highly accomplished species. Amongst all these other high-toned achievements, it is also worth mentioning the lesser-known, but no less amazing achievements of the human body itself. These bizarre penis tricks and feats are sure to raise anyone’s respect for humanity, or at least raise an eyebrow or two. Better yet, with the right approach to penis care, readers may find that they can make their own mark when it comes to penis fame.

penis world records

First of all, the world’s most impressive penis records are reviewed.

1) The largest and smallest human penis. In terms of sheer proportion, humans are relatively well endowed, with an average flaccid penis of around 2.5 inches and 5 to 6 inches when erect. However, there are extreme variations in size, in both directions. The largest penis ever officially recorded was 13.5 inches when erect, and the smallest was just 0.39 inches.

2) Longer ejaculation distance. This record, obtained in one way or another, reaches 18 feet. Millions of men are currently hard at work trying to do better.

3) Faster ejaculation speed. The fastest ejaculation clocks in at 42.7 miles per hour. Talk about a hose.

4) The largest complete collection of penises. This would be the Phalological Museum of Iceland, which contains intact penises and various penis parts.

5) Longer masturbation session. Nine hours, 58 minutes, and plenty of lube.

6) Greater number of partners in a single day. The jury is still out on this, as multiple claims have been made, but the number seems to remain around 102 for a man.

Places of entertainment and culture

For those who are fed up with weeks and years of boring movies, Broadway musicals, sporting events and the like, penis puppets offer a new and exciting form of entertainment. Popularized by Melbourne, Australia duo Simon Morley and David “Friendly” Friend, this unique form of entertainment involves two men, naked, on stage, performing various comical maneuvers and contortions with their own flesh puppets.

Party tricks that impress

For those unable to travel to Melbourne to witness these professionals at work, a little practice at home with a mirror can help any kid hone their own puppetry skills. Some popular party tricks include bending and twisting the penis into various animal shapes, including dogs, cats, bears, bats, and (of course) elephants.

How to care for the trophy winner.

Whether a man is determined to break any of the world records outlined here, or just wants a few party tricks for the next guys night, frat party, family reunion, or whatever, proper penis care is essential for ensure that the team is ready for its debut. After all, puppet tricks with a scaly, reddened, wrinkled limb are less likely to impress than those performed with a soft, flexible tool. To achieve that camera-ready glow, men need to follow a three-part process.

1) Manscaping: A must for those who want to show off their package in all its glory. Using sharp scissors, a new razor, or an electric razor, men should carefully remove hair to a level that highlights the penis to its best advantage. For longer hair, it’s best to trim it first, before applying a razor. Take care to pull the skin taut to avoid cutting into those delicate folds.

2) Spa treatment: a big no-brainer. Start by immersing the manhood in a warm bath, not too hot, to prevent dryness and redness. Pull back the foreskin, if it’s still attached, to soak up the smegma underneath. Wash everything with a mild cleanser, rinse and towel dry.

3) Moisturize: While the skin is still warm and glowing from the bath, apply a high-quality penis moisturizing formula. A specialized cream for penis health. (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil) is a good bet. Vitamins, amino acids, antioxidants and emollients that are formulated with penile skin in mind absorb quickly and go straight to work making sure the star of the show is ready for the next performance.