Reframing Approach Anxiety

Approach anxiety is a common phenomenon, it occurs when we want to start a conversation with a new person but we don’t do it out of fear or concern. Many times these fears and concerns stem from our belief system and perspective. But once we learn how to “reframe” these situations, by looking at them from a new perspective, we can better motivate ourselves to act in life-enhancing ways.

It’s natural for many people to feel anxious when they meet someone new: a girl at a bar, a potential employer, a friend of a friend, or a stranger in public.

Sometimes it’s harder to approach someone or start a conversation than it is to carry it through once it’s started.

This type of social anxiety is known as approach anxiety. It happens every time we want to meet someone new but are too worried or afraid to do so. It is often derived from our belief system:

• We think we are not good enough or worth the person’s time.
• We think we will do something stupid and be embarrassed.
• We think we will be rejected as people.
• We think about what others will think.

These are some of the most common causes of approach anxiety, but there are probably others as well. I think we can learn to better manage most anxieties by using a technique called reframing. Reframing (also known as “cognitive restructuring”) is a popular tool in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) where an individual investigates their belief system and replaces unhelpful beliefs with more life-enhancing beliefs. life.

Here are some reframes I’ve found helpful in managing approach anxiety:

YOUR PRESENCE IS A GIFT.

As I mentioned before, one of the main causes of approach anxiety is that we feel that we are not worthy of someone’s attention. We may find ourselves thinking or saying things like:

• “Why would they want to talk to me?”
• “That person is out of my league.”

We can begin to reframe these thought patterns by focusing more on how we add value to our relationships. Then we can start thinking more productively:

“Of course someone should want to hang out with me – I’m smart, funny and a loyal friend.”

The key is to identify your strengths and positive attributes, then recognize that you are a person people should want to know and get to know better.

Because if you don’t believe that you are a person worth knowing, it will be difficult for you to actively approach new people. But when you believe that you are a person worth getting to know, you will feel freer to start conversations. You believe that every time you interact with someone you are offering them value: your time, your attention, your energy, etc. So when a person rejects you, it’s their loss, not yours.

This kind of reframing can help remove a lot of the baggage when it comes to approaching new people. We often feel that we have to “prove ourselves”, and when we are rejected it hurts because we feel that the person has denied us as human beings. But if we have self-esteem and understand the value we offer to others, we realize that when a person “rejects us” they are the one who is missing.