My Husband Is So Angry With Me He Wants To Get A Divorce: Tips And Tricks That Might Help

I often hear of wives who have husbands who are so angry with them that they are saying or implying that they want a divorce. Usually the wife has done something that she regrets, apologizes and says she’s sorry, but she discovers that none of these things matter that much to her husband at the time. Usually what she has done has to do with money, sex, trust, respect, or pride, but this can vary.

Here is an example. I recently heard from a wife whose marriage was seriously damaged by the situation he was in and her response to her. Due to the economy, her husband had to downgrade at work. Money and expenses had always been an issue between them, but since the demotion, things had really come to a head. Her husband had wanted to drastically change her lifestyle, living with less to feel less pressure and stress, and he asked her wife’s support.

The wife stated that she would go. She didn’t want to stress her husband out, but she wasn’t ready to change her lifestyle and she didn’t see the harm in treating herself once in a while, as she thought he was overreacting. So she made small purchases and incorporated them into her house so he wouldn’t notice her or she hid them at her mother’s house and sent the bills there too. Needless to say, the husband found out. And when he did, he lost it.

He told the wife that he could not be married to someone who respected him so little, would go behind his back, and was so cunning. The wife was sorry for his actions and she said it repeatedly. She expected this to happen, but it didn’t. She said in part, “Yesterday, he told me he wants a divorce. He’s really taking this this far. He said he has an appointment with a lawyer this week. He says there’s nothing I can do to change his mind. He said that we’re just not compatible in our perspectives and that she’s not going to spend the rest of her life with someone who lies and goes behind her back. This has floored me. I don’t want to lose my husband. bought isn’t worth my marriage. But no I can take it back and he won’t accept my apology or listen to me. I’m getting so frustrated. What can I do?

This was challenging because it seemed that no matter what the wife did or said, the husband refused to listen. He cut her off or walked away every time she tried to plead her case. But I was able to offer him some ideas that he hoped would help. I will share them with you.

Sometimes a husband’s anger fades over time. The key is to handle it the right way throughout the process: I hear a lot about situations like this. Sometimes the husband eventually calms down. But just as often, instead of waiting for this to happen, the wife gets frustrated and eventually tells him that she is overreacting or just being stubborn. Or does she tell him that she can just repeat that she’s sorry so many times and then ask how long she intends to hold a grudge or act like a child? Needless to say, this can make things worse.

Instead, I feel that the best thing to do in this case is to calmly agree with him and continue to do so. The fact was that the wife knew that she was wrong. Money, trust, respect, and honesty issues were the ones that always came up in her marriage. She had violated these issues before. She knew that these things were serious problems for her husband. And she knew it was wrong to lie and hide her actions.

So my suggestion was that whenever this issue arose, the wife should continue to agree wholeheartedly. She should say something like “you know, you’re absolutely right. Words can’t express how sorry I am. It’s true that I was dishonest and didn’t consider your feelings and I’m sorry more than I can tell you, as well as the fact that you want a divorce.” as a result. I don’t want you to think that I don’t realize exactly what I did or that I have remorse for doing it. There’s no justification for it except to say I’m truly sorry, I wish I could take it back and I understand why it hurts you. I wouldn’t do it again. But I understand that you’re hurt and angry and feel like you need to take some action, even though I wish things weren’t going the way they are.

See what this does? It gives you no reason to argue. He takes the wind out of his sails. You are admitting your wrongdoing and you are not trying to debate it because you know there is really no excuse. This kind of honesty and respect is often what husbands have been looking for all along. Also, there is no longer any reason to continue the anger. You are not debating with him, or arguing, or adding drama to the situation.

Now, I can’t tell you if agreeing with your husband will make him change his mind about the divorce. Over time, if you keep repeating this truthfully, he may finally realize that you mean it and stop getting a divorce. If not, it’s time to go with plan B.

What if your anger doesn’t fade and you still want a divorce no matter what you say: This happens sometimes, unfortunately. When it happens, wives sometimes abandon the aforementioned plan in favor of one with debates and arguments because they simply feel compelled to do so.

I understand this (and did it myself), but I think in most situations, it’s the wrong decision. If he hasn’t changed his mind yet, it’s unlikely he will, at least not in response to your words. In my opinion, what you need to do next is show him what you want him to know instead of telling him what you think he needs to know.

What I mean by that is that he clearly refuses to believe you or even listen to you, so this will be a gradual process. I know that things are difficult, knowing that you have a divorce on the horizon, but you really need to take it one step at a time. In this example, the wife could begin by showing her husband (by her actions in the future) that she was a person of integrity.

Sometimes you have to take divorce off the table in your own mind and focus on what you most want to show your husband right now. You do this under the premise of wanting to save some kind of relationship, no matter what form it takes.

You continue to agree (in whatever way you can be sincere and believable) and you continue to agree until eventually you’ve shown him that you mean exactly what you say and that you’re not doing this just to make him change his mind. You are doing this because you realize you were wrong, you want to change, and you want to do the right thing no matter what.

Does doing this mean she will call off the divorce or eventually get back together? I can’t tell. But I can tell you that it will often put him in the best position that she can possibly be in. And this sometimes makes all the difference in the long run.