How to help your elderly parents or grandparents – Part Two

Helping elderly parents or grandparents goes far beyond the tasks performed in the process. We have the opportunity to significantly impact their lives by relative for and with them.

Yesterday was a cold spring day in Kansas City, so I called my mom around 10:45 to remind her that I was coming over for lunch but that I would bring lunch instead of the two of us going out. She was okay with that.

My mom is okay with most things today. I found that one of the beautiful things about getting older is that we learn not to “sweat so much over the little things.” (Thank you, Richard Carlson.)

My mother used to be the one giving in during her marriage to my father. In the few years since she passed, I have learned a few things about this. To name a few:

1.) Dad liked his juice room temperature, not her.

2.) Mom always preferred French toast to pancakes, even though they usually had pancakes.

3.) Mom really likes Miller High Life, not Miller Lite. You guessed it, my parents’ refrigerator usually contained Miller Lite.

Mom asserts herself more these days because no one is there to counter her wishes. Acknowledging for all those years was a choice she made. It would not be mine (as my husband can attest) so I have no sympathy for her on this. And it’s not that she’s consciously seeking sympathy, but perhaps, validation that she was somewhat selfless. Her mother was like that. Perhaps some women of her generation considered selflessness a virtue. As a Boomer, this was a foreign concept to me. I’m more of a give and take person. A negotiator. You cook, I clean, etc.

Although my mom is a sweetheart. She laments people who don’t drink enough water, appreciate vegetables, or eat the food they’re served. The attributes my mother believes in are a bit like laws. Mom is irritated by people who constantly complain. she does not

Caring is about listening. It’s about understanding. It’s about sharing, laughing and remembering. I am lucky to have this opportunity to get to know my mom better.