Fear and public speaking: the worst memory!

Fear is crazy cool. Crazy because it forces you to do some crazy things that can be pretty embarrassing later on; great because it can save your life.

The key is to find a balance so that your natural fear responses are justified and managed. (Note: yelling and jumping on the table when a cockroach walks by is probably not justified or controlled.)

I have many memories of my time in college: tutorials that were good or bad, professors with particular strange habits, ‘catchy phrases’ from particular professors, the uni club (yes!)… I have one particular memory that I still today ago I feel embarrassed when I think about it, and you guessed it: it’s about public speaking.

We would have a tutorial class of about 30 people (maybe even less, but it seemed like a lot!) and we would discuss a particular topic (something related to science, like body systems, memory). When we got to the end of the class, the tutor brought up some topics that he wanted to cover the following week. He randomly selected two people, and I was one of them, to research and present a quick 5 minute talk on 2 of the different topics that we would be talking about the following week. (Add: I frequently get picked on ‘random’ picks, I’m sure it’s because I’m tall! Coughing or looking out the window or looking down at your lap doesn’t seem to help with pick rates either!).

So I got my point: I think it was about pulmonary embolisms… or maybe just about embolisms in general, because I remember saying that the embolus flew here, there and everywhere and sometimes ended up in your brain ( I really didn’t know). what I was talking about back then!)

I researched it a couple of nights before next week’s tute, and wrote about 2 pages of notes, although (unlike previous presentations I’d done) it was handwritten, word for word (not in bullet point form). . Let me add that pretty much up to this point in my life, I had been pretty fearless. By this, I mean he hadn’t had any major embarrassments, had handled stage appearances or public speaking assignments with nothing more than the usual minor anticipation before the game.

So I got to tute the next week, and we did the whole class, and I was like, ‘Wow! there is no topic for me. Then, in the last few minutes of class, I heard the dreaded words, “Oh yeah, we’ve got some people to introduce some topics!” Then, luckily, the other person who was chosen claimed that she had completely forgotten, and the tutor looked at me: “do you have yours ready yet?”. Here I had an easy way out, a simple ‘ahhh sorry!’ it may have saved me from a defining moment in my life: a memory and preconditioning that has lasted 10 years after finishing university! “Yes, I have” (partly because he wanted to show that he was on top of things from an academic point of view, partly because he wanted to show the other person that he had forgotten).

So I started reading from the top of my page: “An embolism is a blockage in a blood vessel due to a blood clot or other foreign matter…” I was doing very well in the first two sentences… Then something weird started to happen (the ‘crazy’ part of the fear that I was avoiding before) As I started reading, the noise level in the class dropped drastically. Within a minute or two, it was so quiet you could hear me swallow! (I’m still not sure if it was because I was a pretty quiet guy at that stage of my life and people were surprised to hear me talk, or if it was because my talk was so engaging – it was probably the former, but every once in a while!) I fooled myself into thinking it was the latter!). As the class fell completely silent, I began to think more about that and less about what I was reading. A quick flick of my eyes toward the class and then back to my notes revealed that people had moved their chairs so all eyes were on me. Then I kept thinking about how everyone was looking at me and how everyone was dead silent. I started to feel self-conscious and now I had trouble reading: first I misread a word and had to repeat it, then my voice started to sound a bit hoarse.

At this point, things really grew: the combination of reading word for word with my head down, all eyes on me, quiet class, and raspy voice launched me into the last disastrous 5-minute speech of my life (seriously , how ridiculous is that last sentence!) sound – but it’s true!). I had all the classic responses to a full episode at that point: my heart rate increased to 200bpm, I tensed up and completely lost focus on reading my lines, my palms were sweating profusely, my hoarse voice got much worse. At which point I was having trouble speaking (my mouth was dry too) and (the worst part?) I could feel my face getting redder and redder. If I thought the class was quiet before, now I realized that they had become even quieter.

Bottoms out. Fight or flight kicked into action, and I seriously contemplated grabbing my books and running out the door. Perhaps if he had been closer to the door, he would have taken that option, but unfortunately he was on the opposite side of the classroom. To my credit (anything good to say about this horrible memory?!) I held on, struggled for 3-4 minutes (probably 20 seconds actually!), and forced myself to say the next few words I saw on the paper. high.

After turning the first page and flipping it over, I was over my horrible episode and something changed. I became more confident and all my fear symptoms began to disappear. I could feel my face returning to normal, my voice getting louder, and my muscles relaxing. At the end of the talk, I really felt like I could go on all day now that it wasn’t humanly possible to be embarrassed anymore!

Anyway, I left tute that day with my head down (I’m sure some of my ‘facts’ were wrong too, and people were too nice to point out my mistakes because of my ‘event’!). This experience created a strong negative memory that I have retained to this day, and for quite some time caused me to avoid speaking of the events vigorously!

I have often thought about this experience. It’s so ridiculous it makes me angry! Why should I care what other people think of me? Why was I so self-conscious and why did I react like someone was threatening me with a gun!? I’m happy to say that I’ve had a lot of good public speaking experiences since then, and it was probably a good motivator to be more prepared before speaking in public.

So, looking back, here are some thoughts on that day… (the day from hell, argh!):

– I wasn’t really well prepared – I had written two pages of material, but hadn’t rehearsed and wasn’t sure of the accuracy of my information. – I had no key points written down or thought out – I was relying solely on my ability to read words from a piece of paper. – I did not understand the concept of rational versus irrational fear, or the fact that a little apprehension is normal but a full fear response was not warranted. – I had not reproduced the scene in my mind beforehand, therefore, I was surprised by some “unexpected events” while speaking. The class fell silent (I should have expected it), and people turned their chairs to look at me, really small things, but they all contributed to my suffering!

So what could I have done back then, and what practices have I adopted now that have helped me along the way to never do that again? Could I have completely prevented that situation from happening like it did, or was it just related to my previous personality? I’ll never know for sure exactly how the outcome would have changed if I had approached the situation differently back then, but I’m sure my future speeches have gone much better after adopting some basic tips on public speaking and fear.

Here’s some great advice courtesy of Australia’s shyness and social anxiety:

* Remember that it is normal to experience some degree of anxiety when speaking in public and that a certain amount of excitement actually makes it easier to perform. * Rehearse your speech or presentation. If you’re worried about your mannerisms, eye contact, etc., practice giving your speech in front of a mirror or have someone videotape your performance. * If you’re worried that your anxiety is making your mind go blank, write the key points of your talk on index cards and carry them with you, so you have something to jog your memory. * Don’t panic and don’t get argumentative or defensive if someone in the audience asks you a question you can’t answer or makes a critical comment. This situation can be handled smoothly and with minimal interruption to your presentation if you give the person a genuine compliment.

What about fear itself? Hell, fear is crazy cool… A farewell quote to sum it up?

“So, first of all, let me state my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself: a nameless, unreasonable and unwarranted terror that paralyzes the efforts necessary to turn retreat into advance.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt.