Conflict resolution and young children

Conflict is a normal and healthy part of young children’s development. For preschoolers, learning to socialize can be the start of something new and exciting. However, socializing requires children to learn many skills, especially if they want to enjoy the experience of playing and having fun with other children.

Some of the many skills necessary for positive social interactions include; the ability to respect the rights of others. This includes property rights, space rights, and security rights. The ability to control expressions of anger. The ability to assert yourself socially and in an acceptable way and the ability to share your own ideas and listen to those of others.

Children naturally develop at their own pace across the board, socially, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Therefore, it is not unusual for a child to be ahead in one area of ​​development and slightly behind in another. This will depend to some extent on family circumstances, for example whether there are siblings at home, whether they have attended formal care and education outside the home, and whether the parents have no English-speaking history. Complying with the rules of sharing and being willing to accept them will vary from child to child and circumstances.

Strategies to help

1. Adults must remember first that learning socially acceptable behavior takes time, sometimes a long time. Be positive, understanding of the patient, and consistent. It can feel like a “rolling record” when you help children use your words to express themselves, but don’t give up.

2. Always be interested in what the child has to say and try not to comment until the story is finished. It is important that children feel that they are heard and understood.

3. Validate children’s attempts to cope with new situations, such as sharing. for example “thanks for listening to Hugo and working on this problem together with Mary”.

4. Teach children to use the correct words to avoid conflict. for example, “can I have that toy when you’re done?” or “I don’t like you throwing me … please stop.”

5. Some children don’t feel sorry if they have done something wrong to someone else, so making them say “I’m sorry” has little value other than satisfying the adult. It is better to help a child understand that their actions caused pain or distress to another child.

We must give children enough time to resolve their own conflicts before intervening, as they can sometimes resolve the problem without our help. However, whether we decide to intervene or not, we continue to support children in managing their own conflicts.

By doing this, we are in turn empowering our future generation to come up with peaceful and non-violent solutions to problems. Wouldn’t that be the kind of world we ALL want to live in?