A cause that can make an autistic child obsess with death

Some autistic children have an obsession with death. They persistently ask questions about death, the experience of death, fatal illness, and suicide. This situation is quite alarming for parents, who believe that the implications of these types of questions can be frightening.

Parents, especially mothers, become helpless in the face of their autistic child’s obsession with death and incessant questions. They try various maneuvers to get their son to stop by ignoring him, scolding him, and trying to take his mind off of him. But, these movements do not bring any change. In fact, these movements further provoke the child and bring anxiety and stress to her mood.

Now, the questions are, why would an autistic child ask such questions? Why is he so obsessed with death? And what should parents do in this situation?

Well, there are many causes that can make your child obsessed with death. For example, nightmares, bullying, low self-esteem, floods of new information, and unpredictability. But, the most important cause is, “Change”.

terrified of change

Children who ask questions related to death, or who are obsessed with death, are mostly “terrified of change.” The thought of “Change” brings panic within their bodies. They ‘think’ and ‘ask’ questions like, who will replace Grandma if she dies?

“When an autistic child feels that there is going to be a disruption in the order and harmony of his world, he feels anxiety. He doesn’t know how to deal with the upcoming situation and restrict the uniformity in the world from him. Consequently, he asks death-related questions, over and over again, to relax his feelings of anxiety and stress.”

If your child asks you questions about death, it often means that he is afraid of change. He wants to know about the consequences that may appear after death.

What do most parents do when their autistic child asks them questions related to death?

Well, they talk about some things, over and over again. For example,

(a) Death is natural.

(b) Life is beautiful.

(c) Heaven and Hell.

However, these topics are not the right answers for your child. These kinds of answers would be absolutely useless. Your son will start to feel even more anxious and will keep asking the same questions until he doesn’t give you a satisfactory answer or doesn’t calm her feelings.

In order to give your child satisfactory answers and understand the causes of his obsession, you must first look at your own family, your family’s conversations, and your family environment. Was there any change in her family after the death of a loved one? Were there some intense conversations about death and its aftermath?

Apart from this, to know the real source of your anxiety, take a close look at your daily activities. Is there a movie that you watch over and over again? Is there a death scene in your favorite movie? Have you seen any changes or terrible consequences after someone’s death?

Once you understand the true source of your anxiety, you handle the situation with ease. You see the world through their perspective and speak their language. Your answers gradually dilute his feelings of anxiety and make him feel like you are the best parent in this world who fully understands him.

You become his best friend and your son begins to love you even more.

Now what to do after discovering the real source of his obsession with death?

Well, assure him that “Nothing is going to change, everything will stay the same.” This should be the main focus of the entire conversation. Tell him there won’t be any terrible changes if someone dies. The environment will remain the same, the predictability will remain alive, and the world will continue to move with the same routine.

The more you keep his world predictable and the same for him through your responses, the more you will dilute his obsessive feelings about death and the more you will connect with him on an emotional level.